Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.
• I'm great at multi-tasking : I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
• Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.
• Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
• I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
• Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
• If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?